Not Everything Has to Be Useful: Escaping the Utility Trap

Early in my business, I set a very clear intention: build relationships.

I told myself I was networking, meeting the right people, planting seeds. I scheduled coffees, Zooms, and events, all with the quiet hope that each one would move the needle on business development. But I quickly noticed a pattern: I often left those interactions feeling frustrated or disappointed.

Why? Because if a conversation didn’t lead to a client, a strategic referral, or at least a good piece of advice, I felt like it hadn’t been “worth it.” I was chasing outcomes—and missing the experience.

This is what I now call the utility trap—the belief that everything we do must have a clear, productive purpose. It shows up in all kinds of places: philanthropy done to impress, networking done purely for leverage, even inspiration dismissed if it isn’t immediately applicable.

The problem is, when we over-optimize for usefulness, we leave joy, creativity, and real connection on the table.

What Changed for Me

At some point, I realized I needed to approach these interactions differently. I gave myself permission to enjoy a conversation just because I liked the person—or simply to get curious about their stories and perspectives. I went to events because the topic genuinely interested me. I spent time with people who energized me, even if there wasn’t a clear professional payoff.

And something shifted.

I started enjoying myself. And in that space of genuine presence, people got to know me—not as someone selling a service, but as someone building something with purpose and heart. Business opportunities started to emerge more naturally. But even more importantly, I discovered new ways to apply my work and new ways to build a fulfilling personal and social life.

It was no longer a transaction—it was a meaningful experience all on its own, regardless of what “outcomes” it produced.

The High Cost of Over-Optimization

In coaching, I see this all the time: brilliant, driven professionals who feel like they’re doing everything “right”—yet still feel strangely disconnected. They’ve made every move count, but they’ve forgotten what it feels like to explore without pressure. To play. To be surprised.

One coaching client recently told me she was looking through materials for program inspiration at her organization. But she scrolled past anything that seemed too expensive or too ambitious to work in their context. “No point wasting time,” she said.

But in skipping those ideas, she was also skipping the chance to learn, to wonder, to spark new thinking. There’s a kind of curiosity that gets stifled when everything has to be immediately actionable. And in the process, we lose not just the ideas—we lose the joy.

The Antidote: Play

One of the most powerful ways to push back against the utility trap is to rediscover play.

Play invites experimentation. It gives us permission to be curious without expectation. It creates space for joy, creativity, and perspective—on our own terms.

And ironically, it’s often in those moments of “non-productivity” that real insight shows up. A conversation that was supposed to be “just for fun” turns into a new collaboration. A playful idea becomes a strategic pivot. A weekend project opens the door to something that actually matters. But none of that happens if we shut the door on anything that doesn’t look useful on arrival.

Remember: even if it never leads to anything, you’ve energized yourself, honored what’s meaningful to you, and given yourself over to something that brings joy.

How to Step Out of the Utility Trap This Week

You don’t need a dramatic overhaul to shift your mindset. Start small. Here are a few ways to make room for experiences that don’t need to be immediately “useful”:

• Say yes to something that simply sounds interesting. A conversation, a podcast, an article, an event. Don’t ask what you’ll “get” from it—just follow your curiosity.

• Reach out to someone without an agenda. Not to pitch, ask, or promote—just to connect. Be honest: “I always enjoy talking with you and wanted to see how you’re doing.”

• Do something playful. Sketch a bad drawing. Try a new recipe. Take a walk without your phone. Let yourself do something without tracking or measuring it.

• Make space to wonder. Pick one moment this week where you pause and ask: What if I didn’t need this to go anywhere? What if this moment was enough on its own?

These aren’t detours—they’re part of the path. Over time, they can change how you relate to your work, your network, and yourself.

Final Thought

What might happen if you let go of the pressure to make everything useful? You might find that meaning doesn’t always show up as a straight line. Sometimes it sneaks in while you’re just enjoying yourself, connecting with someone new, or following a thread of curiosity for no other reason than it caught your interest.

That’s not wasted time. That’s the good stuff..