Why Real Growth Happens Together

We live in a culture that idolizes self-development. We are constantly encouraged to optimize: become more strategic, more emotionally intelligent, more productive, more mindful.

As a coach and HR consultant, I’ve spent my career helping people grow — in their leadership, in their careers, and in their self-awareness. I believe in that work. I see the power of reflection, discipline, and intentional change every day. But lately, I’ve been asking a hard question:

What if this is an overexercised muscle?

What if we’ve trained so hard for personal advancement that we’ve neglected another capacity — just as powerful, but far less emphasized: The ability to grow in community, by contributing to something larger than ourselves.

🌀 The Trap of Self-Improvement

We’ve come to see development as an individual responsibility. And that mindset can serve us — until it doesn’t.

Because no matter how effective or self-aware we become, the constant demand to evolve on our own is isolating. And for many people, it’s unsustainable.

Growth isn’t always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about doing something with others — and becoming better together.

🤝 What We’re Missing: Growth Through Contribution

We often assume we need to learn every skill, master every strategy, or develop every strength on our own. But what if some of our most meaningful growth doesn’t happen through self-study, but through shared action?

That could mean:

• Organizing a community event — and learning how to collaborate across styles and perspectives

• Joining a hobby group or creative team — and building new skills while supporting others’ learning

• Volunteering with colleagues or friends — and seeing firsthand how service connects people

• Planning something meaningful at work — not because it advances your career, but because it builds a culture you’re proud to be part of.

These aren’t just “extracurriculars”. They’re fertile ground for learning, leading, listening, and growing in ways no personal development plan can replicate.

🧵 From Networking to Net Building

In professional spaces, we’re often told to “network.” But networking is usually about what others can do for you.

Net building is different. It’s not transactional — it’s relational. It’s not about extracting value — it’s about co-creating it. Whether you’re part of a team, a community group, a faith-based circle, or an informal gathering of peers, net building is about asking:

• “What do I have to offer here?”

• “How can I help this group thrive?”

• “What can we learn from one another?”

And in return, you’ll likely find your own skills sharpened, your leadership strengthened, and your sense of purpose deepened — not through self-focus, but through shared focus.

🌱 The Best Kind of Development

Some of the most powerful learning comes when we:

• Take responsibility without needing credit

• Support others’ growth without measuring our own in comparison

• Show up for a group goal and let that process refine us

In my experience — whether in a corporate setting or a neighborhood association — people are hungry for connection with meaning. They want to contribute. They want to belong. And they want to grow in ways that make them feel more human — not just more efficient.

🔄 A New Kind of Growth Question

So next time you feel the pressure to improve — to do more, be better, optimize something — pause and ask:

Could this be a moment for shared growth instead?

Is there a project, a cause, a group that needs what I have to offer — and could teach me something in return?

Maybe you don’t need another course or productivity hack.

Maybe you need a place to serve.

A circle to build with.

A team to plan something with.

A net — not to fall into, but to help strengthen.

Let’s build that. 🌍