From Networking to Net-Building: Rethinking How We Connect
We are told to network constantly.
Looking for a job? Schedule informational interviews.
Building a business? Attend conferences.
Running a nonprofit? Meet potential donors over coffee.
Networking shows up everywhere — and yet, most of us dread it. I know I did.
Early in my consulting career, I went to lunches, coffees, and Zoom calls with one goal in mind: to “get clients.” I’d spend the conversation waiting for the right moment to stop with the niceties and “get down to business.” I thought I was being efficient. But what I didn’t realize was that, in my effort not to waste time, I was missing the point entirely.
I wasn’t connecting — I was managing transactions. And that’s the paradox: the more we try to make networking efficient, the less human — and less effective — it becomes.
🎯 The Problem with Networking
Traditional networking is built on a transactional premise: “I have something I want, and you might be the person who can help me get it.” It sounds strategic, even practical — but in my experience, and that of many of my clients, it rarely works that way. Here’s why:
Networking begins with a false premise of clarity: Networkng assumes that our goals and the people who can help us achieve them are already clear. More often, both are still taking shape.
Networking narrows our attention. We search for the right person and miss the opportunity to connect with everyone else — the people who might surprise us, challenge us, or become allies in ways we never planned.
Networking reduces people to resources. We stop seeing both ourselves and others as fully human — not as individuals with stories, perspectives, and needs of their own, but as resources to exploi
Networking measures success by outcomes. If there’s no instant payoff, we assume the effort was wasted — forgetting that most real relationships evolve over time, not transactions.
No wonder networking feels hollow — and lonely. When every conversation is about what you can gain, you are not connecting. You are performing.
🌐 Enter Net-Building
Net-building starts with a different assumption: connection itself is valuable.
Rather than chasing transactions, you build threads of connection — small, genuine moments rooted in shared curiosity and respect. Over time, those threads form a net — strong enough to hold opportunity when it arises, but not dependent on it.
Net-building isn’t goal-oriented — it’s human-centered.
You start with curiosity, not an agenda. You give as much as you receive. You focus on people, not outcomes. And that shift changes everything.
🌱 How to Build Your Net
You grow your net through everyday moments — curiosity, kindness, and presence. The goal isn’t to “work the room,” but to show up where connection can happen and stay open to it. These small, human moments are the threads of connection, and that’s exactly why they are effective. Here’s how to start:
Get involved. Meet people through things you enjoy — volunteering, hobbies, professional groups, or community events. Shared interests create natural connection.
Introduce yourself. Everyone feels awkward at first. If you’re there to make connections, chances are others are, too — and they’re just as worried about making the first move. Saying hello, asking a question, or starting a small conversation makes it easier for others to do the same.
Learn their story. Ask open ended questions and listen with curiosity. Notice what lights people up. Genuine interest builds trust faster than any pitch.
Follow up. Exchange contact info or send a quick note just to say it was nice to connect — not to “get” something, but to stay in touch.
Be okay with rejection. Not every interaction will stick — and that’s fine. Keep practicing. Each conversation expands your web of possibility.
🌉 Building Connection Is the Real Efficiency
Once you’ve built your net — through small, genuine moments of connection — it becomes a living network you can rely on when needs arise. People help you not because of a transaction, but because your need is held by the net you’ve woven. They already know you, trust you, and want to see you succeed — and you do the same for them.
That’s the quiet power of net-building: it turns effort into community. It transforms networking from something lonely and performative into something human and energizing.
When you show up with the mindset “I’m here to connect, not to convert,” the pressure disappears. What feels slower at first — listening, being curious, building trust — turns out to be the most efficient path of all. Because when connection, not transaction, becomes your focus, every interaction feels lighter, more authentic, and far more human.