Who Broke the Vase? How to Talk About Mistakes at Work
You’ve just realized you might have made a mistake at work. Maybe it’s a missed detail, a wrong version, or an email you wish you could recall. Your heart starts to race. Your brain starts writing stories: What will they think of me? Did I just ruin my reputation?
That spiral is often far more distressing than the actual problem. Instead of focusing on the issue itself, you — and sometimes everyone around you — end up coping with the anxiety it creates.
The good news? There’s a better way.
It starts by shifting the story from Who and Why to What and How.
😤👉 The “Who Broke the Vase?” Trap
When something goes wrong, our instinct is to figure out:
WHO caused it
WHY it happened
That’s the Who Broke the Vase? trap — a loop that satisfies curiosity but solves nothing.
Why? Because it keeps everyone focused on blame, not repair. It channels energy into analyzing motives, reputations, and personalities instead of understanding what actually went wrong and what needs to happen next. This leaves the real problem untouched and often creates new tension in its place.
🔄 Shift the Frame: From WHO/WHY to WHAT/HOW
When you move from Who and Why toward What and How, the tone changes instantly. It allows you to take accountability without collapsing into self-blame — to stay calm, factual, and forward-focused. Next time you feel that flush of anxiety, try this simple pivot:
🕵️♀️ WHAT happened? Describe the facts clearly and calmly, without judgment.
“I realized I sent the wrong version of the report.”⚖️ WHAT is the impact or risk? Acknowledge what’s at stake.
“The outdated numbers could confuse the client.”🧭 WHAT can be done now? Lead with a corrective action.
“I’ve prepared the correct version and can resend immediately.”🔍 HOW did this happen? Look for the system breakdown — not the personal flaw.
“The file names were nearly identical; we might need a clearer labeling system.”🚀 HOW will you prevent it next time? Show learning, not guilt.
“I’ll build a checklist for version control going forward.”
💡 Practical Tips for Handling Mistakes Gracefully
So how do you actually stay calm, own the issue, and turn it into credibility instead of crisis? Here are some practical ways to bring that mindset to life when mistakes happen.
Hijack the Physical Anxiety Response:
If you’re in full anxiety mode — heart racing, breathing fast, thoughts spinning — that becomes the story, not the mistake itself. Before you can address the problem, get yourself centered so you’re communicating calm, not panic. Treat the anxiety as a physical event that needs a physical response.
Use the 10-point scale:
How anxious am I right now on a scale of 1–10?
Where do I need to be to think clearly and solve the problem?
Take intentional action to bring yourself down the scale: Breathe slowly, step away for a moment, get a cup of tea, go for a quick walk. These grounding behaviors shift you from reaction to response and allow you to engage calmly and effectively. They also help everyone else stay focused on the issue itself rather than absorbing your anxiety.
Manage Your Inner Narrative:
When you’ve made a mistake, your inner dragons — fear, guilt, and perfectionism — often take the microphone. Notice when your thoughts shift from What happened? to What does this say about me? That’s your cue to pause, breathe, and reorient to facts. The goal isn’t to erase emotion — it’s to stay centered enough to respond with clarity rather than react from fear.
Be Transparent and Clear:
If you’ve made a mistake — or even suspect you might have — say so quickly and directly. Surprises erode trust; transparency builds it.
Apologize Briefly and Sincerely:
It is important to own your mistake and don’t be afraid to apologize. However, skip the drama and stick to the facts: “I’m sorry — I miscommunicated the timeline.”
Pair Your Apology With a Solution:
Responsibility lands best when it comes with a next step: “I’ve corrected the data and will resend the updated file.”
Invite Others to Help Solve the Problem:
Colleagues with specific skills, more experience, or seniority can often help you resolve the problem faster, gauge its real severity, and offer valuable insight on how to prevent it from happening again. Asking for help doesn’t diminish your credibility — it shows judgment, humility, and a willingness to learn.
Follow Through:
Once you’ve stated your plan, execute it and update those affected. Reliability after a mistake rebuilds confidence faster than reassurance ever could.
🌱 From Judgment to Learning: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
When we make a mistake, judgment is often the first responder. We label the action — and ourselves — as bad, careless, or not good enough. That judgment may feel like accountability, but it’s really a trap. It keeps us locked in self-criticism instead of curiosity.
A judgment mindset asks:
Who’s at fault?
Why did this happen?
What does this say about me?
A learning mindset asks something entirely different:
What actually happened here?
What’s the consequence or risk?
What can be improved, adjusted, or strengthened as a result?
Everyone makes mistakes. What separates effective people — and effective organizations — is how they learn from them. Mistakes handled with calm, clarity, and transparency don’t erode credibility; they build it. Remember, the most trusted professionals aren’t the ones who never stumble — they’re the ones who know how to recover, learn, and lead forward.