Professional Etiquette Requires Intentional Leadership
Many of my clients tell me they feel stuck when it comes to conversations about professional presence, etiquette, and how people should show up at work. They believe standards matter, but they worry about getting it wrong — about sounding outdated, exclusionary, or overly prescriptive.
As a result, they hesitate. They soften the language. Or they avoid the conversation altogether and hope people figure it out.
What I see, again and again, is that silence rarely creates the outcome leaders are hoping for.
It creates ambiguity. And ambiguity puts the burden of interpretation on employees — unevenly.
This post is not an argument against standards. It’s an argument for intentional ones — and for approaching professional norms as a leadership responsibility that can be handled thoughtfully, humanely, and well.
Standards Are Part of Leadership
Every organization has norms. Some are written. Many are not.
At their most basic level, workplace norms and rules should do one thing well: keep people safe and ready to work. In many environments, this is straightforward. Personal protective equipment, uniforms, ID badges, and clear role identifiers exist to protect people and remove guesswork. Uniforms work because they are clear, functional, and leveling.
But many professional workplaces don’t have uniforms.
Instead, they rely on phrases like “professional dress” or “executive presence.” These phrases aren’t wrong—but they are incomplete. When expectations aren’t clearly defined, people are left to interpret them, often by watching who is praised, corrected, or quietly discouraged.
That’s when standards stop being functional and start becoming symbolic.
When Norms Haven’t Caught Up to Intention
What we call “professional” isn’t fixed. It evolves.
Standards that made sense in earlier eras—when workplaces were more formal, more hierarchical, or serving a narrower audience—don’t always translate cleanly into today’s organizations. There was a time when showing up to work without a suit was unthinkable. Today, in many industries, that same suit might feel misaligned with how work actually gets done.
The intention behind professional norms hasn’t disappeared. What has changed is how that intention is expressed.
Early in my own career, I was reprimanded for wearing what was, by any reasonable standard, professional attire. The issue wasn’t competence or care—it was that the expectations themselves hadn’t yet caught up with a changing understanding of authority and leadership. No one involved believed they were enforcing outdated standards. But the mismatch was clear.
This is often how friction enters the workplace—not through bad faith, but through norms continuing on autopilot while the organization itself evolves.
The work, then, isn’t to abandon standards. It’s to revisit them, so they reflect the organization you are intentionally trying to build today.
Leaders as Designers of Culture
Employers have both the right and the responsibility to define cultural norms at work. Culture does not emerge by accident. It is shaped by what leaders articulate, model, and reinforce.
In this sense, leaders act a bit like directors of a play:
They decide what kind of organization they are creating
They shape how work is performed and perceived
They clarify what signals matter and why
Being intentional doesn’t mean being rigid. It means being clear about purpose—and open to adjustment when norms no longer serve that purpose.
How Employers Can Set and Communicate Professional Norms Well
Professional norms are not only about internal culture. They exist to support the people who work for you and the people you serve—clients, customers, partners, funders, regulators, and the broader community.
When norms are intentional, everyone benefits. Employees know how to show up. Clients feel respected. Stakeholders experience consistency and trust. Here is how to do this well:
Start with safety and compliance
Be explicit about non-negotiables tied to physical safety, psychological safety, and legal requirements
Clearly separate these from stylistic or cultural preferences
Ensure managers can explain the difference
Define who your norms are serving
Ask: Who needs to feel respected, included, and confident when interacting with us?
Consider employees, clients, customers, funders, regulators, and partners
Let that audience inform expectations around presence, dress, and communication
Clarify the purpose behind expectations
Explain why certain norms exist (trust, clarity, accessibility, credibility)
Avoid vague language like “professional” without context
Tie expectations to real situations: client meetings, public-facing work, collaboration
Put standards in writing — and in conversation
Use policies to establish clarity, not to micromanage
Train leaders to discuss norms in practical, human terms
Normalize questions during interviews, onboarding, and role transitions
Model how to show up for others
Leaders should demonstrate how presence shifts by context
Make visible the difference between internal norms and client-facing expectations
Show how to adapt while remaining authentic
Invite feedback and revisit norms regularly
Pay attention to moments of confusion or discomfort
Ask whether expectations still serve employees and stakeholders
Adjust norms as your workforce, clients, or mission evolve
Address misalignment with context, not judgment
Frame feedback around impact: How did this land for others?
Focus on the situation and the audience, not personal traits
Treat corrections as guidance, not discipline
A Final Thought for Leaders
Avoiding conversations about professional norms doesn’t make them more inclusive. It makes them harder to navigate. Clear expectations—paired with openness to dialogue—allow employees to show up with confidence and allow clients and stakeholders to experience your organization as intentional, respectful, and trustworthy.
That’s not about control. It’s about stewardship.
A Note on What Comes Next
In my work with Allison Cheston through Success Lab, we spend a lot of time helping leaders and employees make sense of these unspoken norms in practical, real-world ways.
That’s also why we’re launching Friday Fixes on Linkedin — a short, weekly reflection on everyday workplace situations where expectations, presence, and etiquette often go unnamed. The goal isn’t to prescribe behavior, but to create clarity, context, and room for conversation.
I’ll share more in next week’s post, focused on the employee side of this equation.